a large bruise
deep inside the mango
unexpected
the way you turned away
when I needed you most
Simply Haiku, 8:3, Autumn 2011
Susan Constable
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
大片瘀斑
深藏在芒果裡面
意想不到
當我最需要你時
你轉身離開
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
大片瘀斑
深藏在芒果里面
意想不到
当我最需要你时
你转身离开
Bio Sketch
Susan Constable’s tanka appear in numerous journals and anthologies, including Take Five. She placed third in the 2010 Tanka Society of America Contest and her tanka collection, The Eternity of Waves, is one of the winning entries in the eChapbook Awards for 2012. She is currently the tanka editor for the international on-line journal, A Hundred Gourds. Susan lives with her husband on Canada’s beautiful west coast.
Appraisal by David Terelinck
ReplyDelete(Given at the 10th Bowerbird Tanka Workshop, 19th October 2013)
There are true moments of tanka perfection. Those times when a poet pens a poem that connects so strongly with the reader that it becomes indelibly etched into the reader’s consciousness and soul for all time.
a large bruise
deep inside the mango
unexpected
the way you turned away
when I needed you most
Susan Constable
I first read this tanka in Simply Haiku in May of 2011. It has stayed with me from that moment. I have had the joy of being able to recite it by heart ever since.
For me this tanka has it all. As a lover of the classical form, the short-long-short-long-long structure is highly appealing. There are no redundant words or phrases and the entire tanka works in harmony to create a powerful piece of writing.
Specifically it is the choice of words, construction, and powerful imagery and metaphor that make this tanka sing for me. The tanka opens, not just with a bruise, but with a large bruise. This is our first clue to significance of the theme and story behind this poem. Small bruises can be easily covered over; forgotten even. Not so with a large bruise. These are unsightly and are much more difficult to hide or disguise. And large bruises are apt to leave large scars on the psyche, if not also the body.
And where is this bruise? It is not superficial, something we can see when we first admire the fruit or enter the relationship. But it is hidden, deep down out of sight. Beyond the bounds of where we make daily allowances for the smaller trifles, and say that it doesn’t matter.
a large bruise
deep inside the mango
It leads us to wonder what else is not perfect with this situation and relationship. What else lies hidden? Is this bruise just the tip of the iceberg . . . is there more beneath the surface that we will not see until it is too late and we capsize?
The third line makes us wonder how this has remained hidden for so long – it is “unexpected” when found. A shock. From the outside this was never envisaged. It looked so ideal, so promising, perhaps even perfect, until the layers were peeled back to reveal this imperfection.
a large bruise
deep inside the mango
unexpected
The poet then pivots on the unexpected to fully reveal the human element of this tanka. The large bruise, deeply hidden, is a metaphor for a loved one or close friend who has turned away. More than this, it is someone who was trusted, considered faithful, and who should NOT have turned away . . . under any circumstances.
a large bruise
deep inside the mango
unexpected
the way you turned away
This bruise runs very deep for another reason. The betrayal becomes complete when we realise this is the one time that the narrator really, intensely and so completely, needed this person to be there – to support them. The time when they were needed the most. There is now no denying the impact this bruise has when discovered.
a large bruise
deep inside the mango
unexpected
the way you turned away
when I needed you most
As shown, this tanka builds, line by line to a powerful ending that carries a strong theme of loss and betrayal. It climaxes to exposes the uncharted human depths of someone we may never really know until we need to call upon them in crisis and then find they are not there. And it raises so many questions about what we should do if someone is not there when we most expect them to be.
This particular tanka by Susan Constable will stay with me for many years to come. It will be one that I return to again and again for sheer enjoyment, for teaching purposes, and for personal inspiration about constructing excellent tanka.
Thematically and emotionally speaking, there are at least two 'big bruises' : one is visible and portrayed in the upper verse, and the other invisible and left on the psyche of the speaker as implied in the lower verse.
ReplyDeleteWonderful poem and commentary. Love Susan C.
ReplyDelete