perforations
along this notebook page
almost invisible
the tiny separations
that ease the final parting
First Place, 2014 TSA International Tanka Contest
Lesley Anne Swanson
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
這筆記頁面
小得幾乎看不見
的側邊穿孔
這些微小的分隔
舒解了臨別的悲痛
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
这笔记页面
小得几乎看不见
的侧边穿孔
这些微小的分隔
舒解了临别的悲痛
Bio Sketch
Lesley
Anne Swanson has lived in Northern California, the Southwest, and the
Pacific Northwest, but now calls Pennsylvania home. Always a wordsmith,
she discovered tanka in 2011 and has been enthralled ever since.
Below are the judges' comments:
ReplyDeleteThis poem remained at the top of my list with each and every reading. How the mind can create the leap from something as simple, innocuous, and ordinary as a notebook and relate it to the great mystery is nothing short of mastery of the form. Seamlessly done, without fuss or explanation. This is what made me fall in love with the tanka form to begin with. -- Michele L. Harvey
Through the entire selection process, this tanka also remained my top pick. Using a wonderfully unique and apt comparison, it takes a fresh look at relationships. Not until line five are we aware of the metaphor. Along with the lovely, natural pivot in line three, I really enjoy the repetition of Ps and Bs as well as the sharp little Ts that act like perforations throughout this beautiful tanka. -- Susan Constable,
"Using a wonderfully unique and apt comparison, it takes a fresh look at relationships. Not until line five are we aware of the metaphor. " -- Susan
ReplyDeleteI principally agree with Susan's comment.
Lesley's tanka is made up of five poetic phrases (equivalent to five ku of 5-7-5-7-7) 1 structured into two parts (“jo,” the preface, and the main statement) with a pivot (L3). And she uses the ushin jo, combined with the emotionally effective pivotal line, “almost invisible,” to build up a metaphoric relationship between the two parts of the poem.
For more information about the tanka structure and the types of jo employed in classical tanka, see "Poetic Musings: Bruise Tanka by Susan Constable," http://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.ca/2014/05/poetic-musings-bruise-tanka-by-susan.html
a large bruise
deep inside the mango
unexpected
the way you turned away
when I needed you most
Simply Haiku, 8:3, Autumn 2011
Susan Constable