autumn moon
eclipsed for a moment
migrating geese
First Prize, 2016 Katikati Haiku Contest
Tracy Davidson
Judge's Comment by Sandra Simpson: A classic seasonal scene which offers two readings thanks to its pivot line – the autumn moon is eclipsed for a moment by migrating geese; the migrating geese are eclipsed for a moment by the autumn moon. Purists will know that in Japanese haiku tradition ‘autumn’ doesn’t need to be attached to ‘moon’ as ‘moon’ is recognised as signifier of that rich season – and an autumn moon is always a full moon or harvest moon unless otherwise specified. So this haiku has two season-setters – autumn moon and migrating geese – but I don’t find that to be burdensome as the poem is full of sound and movement (geese), calm (moonlight) and subtly asks us to ponder the mystery of the birds’ powerful urge to migrate at a certain time and uncanny ability to do so over long distances. The beauty of the moment is intact and shines as brightly as that moon!
So this haiku has two season-setters – autumn moon and migrating geese –
but I don’t find that to be burdensome as the poem is full of sound and
movement (geese), calm (moonlight) and subtly asks us to ponder the
mystery of the birds’ powerful urge to migrate at a certain time and
uncanny ability to do so over long distances.
There is nothing wrong with using two season-themed words/phrases in an English language haiku. It all depends on how one effectively uses them to add emotional weight, psychological/aesthetic depth, or one more layer of meaning to the poem. And evaluated in the Japanese haiku tradition, the use of one kigo is a guideline (yakusokugoto, promise), not a rule. Japanese haiku masters, such as Basho, Buson, and Issa, used two kigo in their haiku. For further discussion on this issue, see my "To the Lighthouse" post, titled "Haiku with Two Kigo (or Two Season-Themed Words/Phrases" (relevant examples and informative reviews from Bill Higginson's Haiku World: An International Poetry Almanac included).
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