more darkness
more stars
moving on
-- Sandra Mooney-Ellerbeck
more darkness
more stars ...
autumn begins
-- John Stevenson
Frogpond, 34:2, Spring/Summer, 2011
Commentary: Stevenson's first two lines are identical to Mooney-Ellerbeck's except with "…" at the end of line two. As he stressed in the article, "the nearly exact wording of our first two lines is, indeed, striking." 11 But, the most important thing about these two haiku is the differences, tonal and thematic, marked by their distinctly juxtaposed images. Reflecting upon the same phenomenon ("more darkness/ more stars"), Stevenson added "autumn begins" as the concluding line to signify a process of the decaying of life, which is initiated by Mother Nature. What he did with his haiku is not merely to add a seasonal reference, but to show the destructive force of nature; more importantly, in the connotative contexts of the opening image and of the compositional occasion, 12 this seasonal reference could be read to prefigure a tragic loss of life. Therefore, we as readers are fortunate to have an opportunity to read this beautifully-crafted and heartfelt poem, which is thematically and tonally different from its predecessor poem. Both poets use the same opening image, but if their haiku are read slowly and repeatedly, these differences will emerge.
-- excerpted from Chen-ou Liu's essay, Read It Slowly, Repeatedly, and Communally, A Hundred Gourds, 1:1, December 2011
My haiku below could be read as a sequel to both Sandra's and John's:
ReplyDeletesocial distancing
the darkness
between winter stars
Haiku Page, 10, 2020