English Original
skimming
the pond's surface
a dragonflys' wings --
you never touch me
anymore
Simply Haiku, 1:2, August 2003
Pamela A. Babusci
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
蜻蜓的翅膀
飛掠過
池塘表面 ...
你再也不
觸摸我
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
蜻蜓的翅膀
飞掠过
池塘表面 ...
你再也不
触摸我
Bio Sketch
Pamela A. Babusci is an internationally award winning haiku, tanka poet and haiga artist. Some of her awards include: Museum of Haiku Literature Award, International Tanka Splendor Awards, First Place Yellow Moon Competition (Aust) tanka category, First Place Kokako Tanka Competition,(NZ) First Place Saigyo Tanka Awards (US), Basho Festival Haiku Contests (Japan). Pamela has illustrated several books, including: Full Moon Tide: The Best of Tanka Splendor Awards, Taboo Haiku, Chasing the Sun, Take Five: Best Contemporary Tanka, and A Thousand Reasons 2009. Pamela was the founder and now is the solo Editor of Moonbathing: a journal of women’s tanka; the first all women’s tanka journal in the US.
The implied simile established between dragonfly's wings skimming the pond's surface, Ls 1-3 and the speaker's loved one/you touch[ing] me, L4, is fresh and multi-sensorily evocative.
ReplyDeleteThe use of a "double nagative" ("never" in L4 and "anymore" in L5) for emphasis adds emotional weight and psychological depth to the tanka.
And my tanka below could be read as a sequel to Pamela's:
for ten years
we've shared a bed
now each night
we sleep back-to -back
without touching
Atlas Poetica, 30, 2017