your fear
down the lightning rod
of my spine ...
again the storm
strikes something close
A Hundred Gourds, 1:4, Sept. 2012
Jenny Ward Angyal
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
你的恐懼
直下我脊椎
的避雷針 ...
風暴再次打擊
親近我的事物
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
你的恐惧
直下我脊椎
的避雷针 ...
风暴再次打击
亲近我的事物
Bio Sketch
Jenny Ward Angyal lives with her husband and one Abyssinian cat on a small organic farm in Gibsonville, NC, USA. She has written poetry since the age of five and tanka since 2008. Her tanka and other poems have appeared in various journals and may also be found online at http://grassminstrel.blogspot.com/
An implied "intersubjective relationship" ("your fear" and "lightning rod of my spine") simile (the fear is like the lightning in the storm) is skillfully established, and the lower verse works well on at least two levels, literal and metaphoric.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing regarding the use of POV:
ReplyDeleteThematically and emotionally speaking, Jenny's use of a second person POV is effective. It's because of her visually and psychologically riveting opening lines where an "intersubjective" relationship is established.
I can't stand the indiscriminate use of a 2nd person POV in a lot of "published tanka."