in the hot tub
my eyes on her floating breasts
Hunter's Moon
Honorable Mention, 2013 Harold G. Henderson Haiku Contest
Neal Whitman
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
在熱水浴缸裡
我的眼睛盯著她上下浮動的乳房
獵人的月亮
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
在热水浴缸里
我的眼睛盯著她上下浮动的乳房
猎人的月亮
Bio Sketch
Neal
Whitman began to write general poetry in 2005, haiku in 2008, and tanka
in 2011. He writes to be read and believes that the reader is never
wrong. With his wife, Elaine, he combines his poetry with her Native
American flute and photography in free public recitals with the aim of
their hearts speaking to other hearts.
Below is the comment from the judges, which can be accessed at http://www.hsa-haiku.org/hendersonawards/henderson-judges2013.htm :
ReplyDeleteThis entry walks that fine line between a haiku and a senryu. We were both immediately drawn to it for its clever wordplay. It also has the requisite kigo for a haiku (“Hunters Moon”), even though the moon is not what we’re looking at. Juxtaposed against the “floating breasts,” the “Hunters Moon” takes on a whole new purpose: to highlight the woman’s round white breasts and to express the poet’s delight.
It's hunter's moon (or hunters' moon) used in American folklore,
ReplyDeleteAnd I disagree with the opening comment: "This entry walks that fine line between a haiku and a senryu."
Generically speaking, the big different between senryu and haiku is that there is no cutting in senryu.
"Senryu differs from haiku in its rhetoric, too, since it seldom uses the common haiku technique known as internal comparison. Whereas a haiku often juxtaposes two disparate objects challenges the reader to make an imaginary connection between them, a typical senryu presents one unique situation and asks the reader to view it in the light of reason or common sense. The reader who does that will usually experience a feeling of superiority, or of incongruity, or of relief, which in turn lead to laughter."
(Preface, Light Verse from the Floating World: An Anthology of Premodern Japanese Senryu by Makoto Ueda, vii-viii)
There is cutting (after L2) in Neal's well-crafted and sensual haiku.