at the head
of the procession
an old man
balances on one hand
the tiny white coffin
Take Five: Best Contemporary Tanka, III, 2011
James Tipton
Commentary: James's tanka effectively builds, line by line, to an unexpected yet visually, emotionally, and thematically poignant ending that reveals the theme of death of a child ("the tiny white coffin"). The surprise is doubled: the procession is a funeral, and most unsettling, it is the funeral of a smaill child whose "tiny white coffin" can be "balanc[ed] on one hand." The matter-of-fact tone, and the contrast between the old and young, the living and dead, add emotional weight and psychological depth to this heart-wrenching tanka.
The following tanka could be read as a sequel to James's:
ReplyDeletein smoky twilight
i remember how light
his casket was
yet i can’t pick up his toys
still scattered in the yard
tinywords, 9:1, January 25 2010
John Stone
And these two heart-wrenching tanka reminds me of the following remark:
A flower bloomed already wilting. Beginning its life with an early ending.
-- R.J. Gonzales