English Original
peeling an apple
in one curl ...
her last words
sting
the most
Elisa Theriana
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
剝除蘋果的皮
使它成為一條
不斷裂捲曲的皮 ...
她的離別話語
最為刺痛
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
剥除苹果的皮
使它成为一条
不断裂卷曲的皮 ...
她的离别话语
最为刺痛
Bio Sketch
Elisa Theriana, from Bandung, Indonesia, working as a computer programmer. Haiku and tanka lover and photography enthusiast.
The contrast, thematic and emotional, between the visually and symbolically rich apple peel image (reminding me of the iconic scene in "Sleepless in Seattle") and the stinging words makes this minimalist tanka effective (as a fine tanka where the technique of "coupled images" is employed)
ReplyDeleteNote: ... in one tanka; that is, one image in kaminoku (the initial 3 phrases) and the other in shimonoku (the latter 2 phrases) of one tanka, ... which produced a spark from the collision. -- excerpted from The Prism of Mokichi, p 177.
... from the viewpoint of tanka history, he introduced a new horizon to the tanka world by uniting two disparate things,... in one tanka ... which produced a spark from the collision.
Technically speaking, this is a good example of what American poet Archibald MacLeish calls "coupled images:" One image is established by words which make it sensuous and vivid to the the eyes or ears or touch-to any of the senses. Another image is put beside it. And "a meaning appears which is neither the meaning of one image nor the meaning of the other nor even the sum of both but a consequence of both -- a consequence of both in their conjunction, in their relation to each other" (Krishna Rayan, Suggestion and Statement in Poetry, p.69). It is in the "space between'" that the poem grows. And atmospherically speaking, the collocation of "hens and a knife sharpener" makes the poem emotionally effective as a suspenseful piece of writing. It draws readers into a story and creates a sense of momentum...
excerpted from "To the Lighthouse: Coupled Images," accessed at https://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2016/04/to-lighthouse-coupling-of-images.html