English Original
moonlight’s silver glaze
on leaves and grass,
on the jungle stream,
on the faces of soldiers
prepared to kill
First Prize, 2005 TSA Tanka Contest
Dorothy McLaughlin
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
在樹葉和草地上，
在叢林溪流上，
在士兵的臉上，
月光上了一層銀釉
他們準備殺人
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
在树叶和草地上，
在丛林溪流上，
在士兵的脸上，
月光上了一层银釉
他们准备杀人
Bio Sketch
Dorothy McLaughlin's poems had been inspired by her husband, daughter, son, and grandsons, her native Massachusetts, forty-five years in Somerset, New Jersey, her interest in history and mythology, and teaching. Her haiku had appeared in bottle rockets, Frogpond, Modern Haiku, tinywords, South by Southeast, and other journals and anthologies.
The first place winner took our breaths away with its relentless rhythm and repetition that propel the reader toward that final line. With telescopic precision, the “moonlight’s silver glaze” spotlights the natural beauty of the jungle at night. The focus descends from the sky to trees, to grass and stream. Then, with equanimity, the moon shines on the faces of soldiers lying on their bellies, weapons at the ready. Everything in nature just is. The soldiers have a mission: kill or be killed. Tension mounts with the contrast of jungle stillness and the soldiers, ready to erupt. “Glaze” is an excellent choice of words, both in sound and meaning. The light-giving force of the moon is juxtaposed with the glazed expressions on the soldiers’ faces—grimly set, fixed on the enemy. In a war zone, the full moon is not something beautiful. It just makes them more vulnerable... excerpted from the judge's commentary, accessed at
ReplyDeletehttps://www.tankasocietyofamerica.org/tsa-contest/past-winners-and-judges-comments/2005-winners
In the world of men it came to be a time of warfare. Throughout the country -- west, east, north, and south -- there was no place where the war was not being fought. The count of those dying because of it climbed continually and reached an enormous number. It was beyond belief! And for what on earth was this struggle taking place? A most tragic state of affairs
DeleteThere's no gap or break
In the rank of those marching
Under the hill:
An endless line of dying men,
Moving on and on and on ...
Saigyo Hoshi
For further discussion, see "Poetic Musings: Dying Men Tanka by Saigyo Hoshi," accessed at https://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2021/04/poetic-musings-dying-men-tanka-by.html