English Original
... and then
the click of a garden gate
on a moonless night
the sound of his footsteps
sneaking into my dream
The Eternity of Waves, 2017
Susan Constable
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
... 然後
花園大門咔噠一聲
在沒有月光的夜晚
他的腳步聲
悄悄地潛入我的夢境
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
... 然后
花园大门咔哒一声
在没有月光的夜晚
他的脚步声
悄悄地潜入我的梦境
Bio Sketch
Susan Constable (1943–2026) was an award-winning Canadian poet whose haiku and tanka appeared widely in global journals. She authored the acclaimed collection The Eternity of Waves and served as tanka editor for A Hundred Gourds (2012–2016). Constable also co-edited multiple anthologies and judged numerous international short-form poetry contests.
L1, "... and then," successfully creates the impression that the reader is entering the middle of an unfolding story. This opening immediately arouses curiosity and invites the reader to fill in what has been left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteL2, "the click of a garden gate," offers a vivid auditory image. The noun "click" is both precise and evocative, instantly conjuring a quiet nocturnal scene. L3, "on a moonless night," deepens the atmosphere without becoming overly descriptive. The absence of moonlight suggests darkness, secrecy, and perhaps even longing or apprehension.
In Ls 4&5, the tanka shifts unexpectedly yet seamlessly from the external world—the garden gate and the moonless night—to the internal landscape of the speaker's dream. This transition is emotionally effective, blurring the boundary between reality and imagination. The closing lines leave the reader wondering whether the footsteps are real, remembered, anticipated, or even feared. The verb "sneaking" is particularly significant: it implies stealth and quiet intrusion, creating emotional tension while suggesting that the man's presence enters the speaker's subconscious unbidden, lingering long after the sound of the gate has faded.