a dust storm
gathering momentum
on the horizon ...
each word you say
makes everything worse
Ribbons, 13:3, Fall 2017
Keitha Keyes
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
地平線上
的沙塵暴
氣勢大增 ...
你說的每句話
使一切變得更糟
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
地平线上
的沙尘暴
气势大增...
你说的每句话
使一切变得更糟
Bio Sketch
Keitha
Keyes lives in Sydney, surrounded by antique irons and ship models. She
enjoys writing tanka, haiku, senryu, cherita and related genres. Her
work is published in many journals and anthologies in Australia and
overseas.
Modeled on traditional Japanese tanka, Keitha's poem is made up of five poetic phrases (equivalent to five ku of 5-7-5-7-7) and structured into two parts (the prefatory image "jo", Ls 1-3 and the main statement, Ls 4&5). And the prefatory image is "logically metaphorical or at least resonates closely with the emotional point of the poem.”
ReplyDeleteThe prefatory image of a dust storm works well as a metaphor for a troubled relationship. Keitha's tanka is a good example of the effective use of the “ushin” (meaningful) jo.
... Jo may be of two types. In one there is no logical connection between the jo and the main statement of the poem. The connection is “solely based on wordplay” (ibid.). This type is called “mushin” (meaningless) 2. In the other, called “ushin” (meaningful), the prefatory image is “logically metaphorical or at least resonates closely with the emotional point of the poem" ...
-- excerpted from my "Poetic Musings" post, "Bruise Tanka by Susan Constable," accessed at https://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2014/05/poetic-musings-bruise-tanka-by-susan.html