English Original
raindrops
fall like teardrops
upon the earth
a slow scorch
of temperance
Joanna Ashwell
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
點點雨滴
像淚珠般地墜落
在泥土上
一種緩慢焦灼
的戒酒情緒
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
点点雨滴
像泪珠般地坠落
在泥土上
一种缓慢焦灼
的戒酒情绪
Bio Sketch
Joanna Ashwell, a writer from the North East of England. Has been a tutor, pharmacy dispenser and administrator. Enjoys reading and writing various Japanese poetry forms and is a member of many linked organisations. Has been published in Blithe Spirit, Stardust, Ribbons, Eucalpt, Frogpond, Heron’s Nest, Atlas Poetica, The Cherita Journal and others.
Technically speaking, there are two similes, one explicit (Ls 1-3) and the other implicit (Ls 4&5), and the first simile (raindrops like "teardrops") functions like an emotional response to the second one (earth/"temperance").
ReplyDeleteAnd narratively speaking, the buildup to the last line (twist/surprise ending) is thematically significant and poignantly effective.
For more about how to effectively use a twist/surprise ending, see "To the Lighthouse: Twist/Surprise Ending," accessed at http://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2021/06/to-lighthouse-twistsurprise-ending.html