English Original
bare aspens –
a jay's fading notes
stir the glade
Editor's Choice, Cattails, September 2014
Carl Seguiban
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
光禿的白楊樹 -
松鴉漸行漸遠的音符
擾亂了林間空地
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
光秃的白杨树 -
松鸦渐行渐远的音符
扰乱了林间空地
Bio Sketch
bare aspens –
a jay's fading notes
stir the glade
Editor's Choice, Cattails, September 2014
Carl Seguiban
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
光禿的白楊樹 -
松鴉漸行漸遠的音符
擾亂了林間空地
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
光秃的白杨树 -
松鸦渐行渐远的音符
扰乱了林间空地
Bio Sketch
Carl Seguiban resides in British Columbia which inspires his haiku. His poems have been published in Mayfly, Modern Haiku, Frogpond, Bottle Rockets, A Hundred Gourds, Moongarlic, Presence, Under the Basho, paper wasp, The Heron's Nest, Cattails, Prune Juice among others.
Below is excerpted from the comment by an'ya, cattails principal editor, which can be accessed at http://unitedhaikuandtankasociety.com/haiku143=EC.html
ReplyDeleteThis haiku by Carl Seguiban from Canada, is similar in form to Claire's haiku (above) insofar as Carl could have just as easily said "bare aspens/a jay's fading notes/in the glade", but instead he chose to say bare aspens/a jay's fading notes/stir the glade", which made the difference. Once again, we experience a common scene presented in an uncommon way. A bonus in both Carl's and Claire's haiku, is that self is never mentioned in either.
hint of cool . . .
ReplyDeletethe old cat makes a rug
of sunlight
Claire Everett
Just as most editors do when selecting haiku, I look for something common presented in an uncommon way, and this one by Claire Everett from the UK, fits that bill. She could have just as easily said "hint of cool . . ./the old cat on a rug/in the sunlight, but instead Claire says hint of cool . . . /the old cat makes a rug/of sunlight." Quite a difference the fine-tuning in one's haiku, makes! --
—an'ya, cattails principal editor
we experience a common scene presented in an uncommon way. -- an'ya,
ReplyDeleteThe scene is portrayed through a subjective lens. Carl's well-chosen verb, stir, infuses the landscape (kei) with human emotion or sentiment (jo), successfully elevating the poem out of the ordinary.
In poetry, the scene (kei) is always in the emotion (jo), and the emotion is always in the scene. -- Kaibara Ekiken